dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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