tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
