We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
