Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
