A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
