So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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