Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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