A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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