He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
