eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
