my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
