I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
