Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
