Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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