you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
