only if we run a train.
done.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
