finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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