Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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