The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
