Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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