I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
