Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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