The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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