my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
