you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
