Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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