We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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