sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
