when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
