i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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