Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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