Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
