I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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