The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
