You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
