And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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