note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
