Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
