Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize