I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
