I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
you made out with another girl for some wings
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