so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
