Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
