SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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