im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
