Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think I just sharted jello shots
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