After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
