That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
