So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
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Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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