sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
