Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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