i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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