Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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