How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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