He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
