Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
