VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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