WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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