in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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