yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
