i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
