Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
