I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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