im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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