There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
