I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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