Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
